some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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