I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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