Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
