you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
