It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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