God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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