you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
