who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
