It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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