I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't want my vagina anymore.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
