I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
why do cheetos always look like penises
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize