Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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