Jerry, you need to find god
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
