You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
