Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
