Christians are straight up FREAKS
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
