Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
