no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
