alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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