dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
