she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize