Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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