Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize