the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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