He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just invented taco cereal.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
