We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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