I hate your face
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
