Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
