I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
