he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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