He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
