I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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