You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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