no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
