my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
