I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
