walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
