I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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