"it" just moved
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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