So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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