just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize