Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
