Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Someone came in the potted fern
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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