the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
