I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
