I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
