I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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