he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
