You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
