wanna go halves on a baby?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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