Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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