Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Randomize
