I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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