first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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