He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
