Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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