guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
