Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
