i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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