Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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