I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
