I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My feet surprised me
Randomize
