I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
