You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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