He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize