based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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