Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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