What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
where am i from again
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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