yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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