Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit

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(360): View more from Washington

have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation

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(606): View more from Kentucky

I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face

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(613): View more from Ontario

Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day

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(716): View more from New York

But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.

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