ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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